Wedding Etiquettes: The Self-Invited

You know what I’m taking about.

After reading my wedding guestlist post, a friend of mine and I were talking and ofcourse, the issue of uninvited guests came up.

It happens all the time – especially at desi weddings. You’re at the door, greeting the guests and suddenly you’re asking yourself, “ummm – who the heck is this person?” or “that family wasn’t invited, were they?”  or how do you react when someone calls and tells you they’re bringing an extra (or 2 or 3) family members? or when somebody imposes, “I got the invite for the wedding, but I couldn’t find the invite for the reception” (duh, you’re not invited)


I have ofcourse never dealt with this personally, but I’ve heard/seen it happen many times. I think people decide to just show up not because they are rude or have malicious intent (I’m sure some might), but because they are excited to see the bride/groom. Obviously, regardless of how much you want to see the bride/groom, it is inconsiderate to invite yourself/your family to someone elses big day.

So, how do you handle this situation?

A few simple ideas for:

1. Before Your Wedding Day

  • Venue Numbers: Chances are, you have already given your final headcount to the venue. If this is the case, be honest and let your guest know that you won’t be able to accommodate them because you have given your final numbers
  • Limited Seating: many venues can accommodate last-minute changes in the number of guests. However, alot of them can’t. If the space you have can accommodate 300 people, and you already have 300 people who have RSVP’d, you physically cannot add anyone else in
  • Mention Your Budget: At the end of the day, it all does come down to money. You can politely mention that you’re on a limited budget and therefore will not be able to accommodate extra guests.
  • Suck It Up: grit your teeth, put a smile on your face and send out the invite

2. On Your Wedding Day

  • Suck It Up: you don’t want anything/anyone to take away from your day. So smile, be gracious and welcome the guest. Let the uninvited feel invited.
  • Invitation-Only: this is a trend that seems to be gaining popularity. Inspired by celebrity weddings, many brides/grooms are now announcing that entry is by invitation-only. Present your invitation card at the door, and you’ll be invited inside. There is a “backup” guestlist incase someone forgets their invitation card
  • Get Out: probably the harshest thing someone can do. When you spot somebody you didn’t want at your wedding, tell someone from you bridal party or your wedding planner to politely ask them to leave. Too harsh for me but hey, many brides/grooms feel that they paid for their wedding day to be perfect – if someone can be rude enough to just show up, everything is fair.

Ultimately, it is up to you to decide what to do. It is your special day so don’t ruin it by stressing on unwanted/uninvited guests. Whether it is an uninvited guest before or on your wedding day, make your decision quickly and get it done with. There’s no reason to harp on about it.

Oh, and to those who self-invite: DON’T! 🙂


About Shaza's Scrapbook

My name is Shaza and I'm a twenty something year old who's passionate about FOOD and Weddings! View all posts by Shaza's Scrapbook

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: