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Wedding Etiquettes: You Plus One (or Your Children)

If you’re Pakistani and single (or dating someone), it is safe to assume that most of the weddings you’re invited to will not invite you + 1. Similarly, you may get an invite that is addressed only to Mr & Mrs Dhoodhwala. No, your children (and family – insert mother/father in laws, brother/sister in laws, cousins, etc) weren’t accidentally left out. No, you may not ask if you can bring your boyfriend/fiance/children to the wedding.

Rude? Not really. Here’s a reasoning behind why your date isn’t invited:

  • Cost: With a guestlist of 350+, do you really think it’s a good idea to ask half of the guests to bring a date? Unless you’re super loaded, it’s really not cost effective. Do the math: if your venue is costing you $40/person and you have 350 guests, your cost is $14,000. If you add a date for even 75 people, your cost will be: $17,000 – that’s an additional $3,000 for the venue alone… factor in costs such as centerpieces, guest favours, catering… Yeah, not happening.
  • Capacity: Sure, lots of desi halls can accommodate 500 guests but if you’re looking for a unique hall, it limits your choices.
  • Managing the guests: How the heck do you even manage 500 guests? Just asking people to have a seat will take over 15 minutes.
  • The couple might WANT a small wedding: This is unheard of in the desi community.
    “Vaaat… small wedding? They’re just trying to save money because they’re really cheap and stingy”
    Not really. Although small weddings are a foreign concept in the desi community, some couples actually want to have an intimate wedding. It’s their wedding, their choice.

Brides and grooms: don’t be nasty when you realize you have limited seating/budget. Always remember that it is your guests that make your day special – be gracious and kind! Below are some nice ways of containing your guestlist numbers:

  • Children: Address your invites to the couple – instead of inviting “Mr. Dhoodhwala and family,” invite “Mr. and Mrs. Allahditta.” This gets your message across clearly but politely. Do NOT say idiotic things such as “NO KIDS” or “NO CHILDREN.” According to some people in the industry, you can write “Adults Only Reception” – but in the desi world, I think it’s best to stick to Mr. and Mrs.
  • Others: This goes for anyone, including children. Inside your invitation/RSVP card, you can write the number of guests that are invited. Example: “We have reserved ____(insert number of guests invited)____ number of seats for you.” I actually think this is a pretty good way of communicating how many people are invited from each household. Not sure what the older desi’s would think of this though. I can already hear the “Hawwwwwwwww….”

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About Shaza's Scrapbook

My name is Shaza and I'm a twenty something year old who's passionate about FOOD and Weddings! View all posts by Shaza's Scrapbook

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